Among the onslaught of holiday cookies, cakes, and candies, someone has to bring the crackers, right? Granted, that cracker will likely be spread with some rich pimento cheese, brie, or something else with a crazy amount of lush fat in it, but Trader Joe’s took it a step further. It’s Christmas, after all, the most indulgent time of the year, and crackers ought to be covered in chocolate. Not only covered in chocolate, but topped with salted honey toffee, diced almonds, and even a hint of coffee. Crackers? Cookies? Who knows, who cares, it’s time to eat.

This is the type of item that’s placed so perfectly near the check out aisle right at impulse-buy eye level that it’s nearly impossible for a sweet and salty loving lad like myself not to buy. The name of the cracker is exhausting just to read, and while I was skeptical of the ability for all the flavors to come through, it was an absolute no-brainer to toss the pretty white and red box on top of my already too-loaded-with-holiday-goodies basket.

The crackers are incredibly fragile. I don’t think I was too rough on them during my ride home, but a bunch of the coating fell off and a number of them broke. No melting though, so all is calm, and all is bright.

Biting in the milk chocolate is of very high quality. Extremely smooth, creamy, and decently thick – as usual TJ’s delivers a higher end packaged product than any other grocery store. I’m not getting any hints of coffee that the box promised, but there are some subtle notes of honey that come through the small yellow toffee bits on top.

The cracker inside tastes distinctly like a Saltine but surprisingly less salty. The clean flour-y flavor of the cracker is a nice backdrop for the wonderful chocolate to be the primary driver of the treats’ profile, but the almonds also don’t bring much beyond a little crunch. The box shows crackers coated generously with the toppings, and I found most of mine to be much more scarce.

While I’m very impressed with the overall flavor and texture of the chocolate, I’m not getting that sweet and salty dynamic I had hoped for, which holds these back from being an absolute holiday classic that you have to grab before they run out. Definitely worth a snack, but not specifically worthy of a stash. Regardless of the success of their execution, between these and the wonderful Ritz, I think I’ve found a new category of treats I need more of – crookies.

Rating: 8/10
Found at: Trader Joe’s ($3.99)