REVIEW: Pepperidge Farm Banana Chocolate Milano

Things I don’t associate with when thinking about winter: beach balls, Corona Light, blockbuster films, daylight until 9 PM, and…banana flavored cookies.  Despite the super odd January release date, Pepperidge Farm have chosen the middle of the hypothetical icy tundra to unleash their limited edition Banana Chocolate Milano, so you can get a taste of the tropics while shivering in your mittens.

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Opening up the signature tall paper bag I am immediately smacked in the face with that unmistakable artificial banana aroma that will have yellow Runts and Laffy Taffy fans squirming with joy in their long johns.  Just barely coming through beneath the banana is the classic Milano semi-sweet chocolate that rounds out the smell of this tropical treat.

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The bite mimics the smell in that it starts with a strong banana candy flavor that smooths out and finishes with clean semi-sweet dark chocolate.  The crumbly pale cookie is a lovely middle ground between soft and hard, with no notable sugar or shortbread taste.  The Milano in general is fairly dry, but the inclusion of banana makes it feel a bit more moist and bright.  I’ve gotta give Pepperidge Farm credit for putting out a different flavor than what is expected, and overall the flavors deliver on what the description promises.  While the banana flavor is definitely rooted in candy, the cookie as a whole isn’t too sweet and shouldn’t be a turn off unless you hate banana flavor, which I’m sure many people do.

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My issue with these cookies is the same one I’ve always had with standard Milano – there simply isn’t enough filling.  While the regular Milk Chocolate Milano is fine but pretty basic, the Double Chocolate version is awesome, with extra snap and deep cocoa flavor that allows the outer cookie to be plain but successful.  The other flavored Milano I’ve had – orange, mint, and raspberry, are better than the milk chocolate because of the added layer of flavor, and these are no exception, but I still wanted more.  Perhaps 25% more banana or a touch more chocolate could have taken these to the next level, but as it stands they still need a little more pop to compete with the best.

Rating: 7.5/10

REVIEW: Little G Chocolate Milk and Cookies

For those of you not in the know about Little G Ice Cream Company, here’s a brief background.  Little G is the brainchild of Grace Connor, a 17 year old entrepreneur and cancer survivor from Boston, MA who hit the ground running in 2016 with wild ice cream flavors that broke the internet with their photogenic swirls and fresh innovation.  Unless you live in the greater Massachusetts area you have to get your Little G fix from an online order via Goldbely , and while it is pricey, it is definitely worth it.  Grace bakes all of the cakes, pies, and cookies that fill her tubs and hand makes all of the batches on the weekend while still balancing high school.

Eating Little G ice cream is a completely different experience than most.  While the usual appeal of grabbing a premium pint is a smooth rich base complimented by flavorful and texturally exciting mix ins, Little G flips the ratio on its head and delivers an insane amount of sweet, crunchy, and diverse mix ins complimented by high quality thoughtful ice cream.  Opening up a container of Grace’s creations is like unearthing the visually accurate pint of all the ice cream descriptions you’ve read and been disappointed in throughout your life.  When a label says “cookie dough” or “candy pieces” or “cookies” she really really means it, and you won’t have to look hard at all to find everything that the description promises.

Chocolate Milk and Cookies combines a chocolate ice cream with chocolate sandwich cookies and cookie dough, for a rich, decadent, chocolatey-abyss experience you will not soon forget.

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Digging into the pint reveals a painters pallet of the shades of decadence.  Rich dark brown ice cream, massive tan chunks of cookie dough, and deep black Oreo cookies with the occasional white pop from a giant glop of creme filling.

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The chocolate ice cream is smooth and delicious with a flavor that leans more towards milk than dark, especially when eaten in tandem with the Oreo cookies (every bite) which have a deeper more bitter cocoa-forward flavor.  You could essentially call the base ice cream “chocolate cookie” with how many Oreo’s are integrated here, as you will rarely find a bite that is just plain chocolate ice cream.  This flavor eats like a tall glass of milk that has been filled with Oreo cookies, smashed into creamy perfection, mixed, frozen, and served in a cup.

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The cookie dough chunks are huge and plentiful, taking up half of the spoon as you go through gleefully.  They are very fresh and soft with a texture that gives easily as you chew and make your way to a large crunchy chocolate chip.  The pieces of dough are big and soft enough that you can break them in half and they keep their form.  The dough doesn’t have much saltiness to it but is still less sweet than the other components and leans towards a buttery savory note for some contrast.  When getting a bite with ice cream, cookie, and dough, your tastebuds are sent to chocolate cookie heaven making you wonder “am I dead?”

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This ice cream is hard to stop eating.  It combines some of the best elements of sugary snacking all into one – cookies with milk, cookie dough, and chocolate, for an experience that slaps most cookies and cream flavors in the face and simply says “get outta here”.

Rating: 9/10

REVIEW: Hostess Limited Edition Frosted Strawberry Donettes

There’s something appealing about mini things. Mini cupcakes, mini peanut butter cups, personal pizzas, sneaky baby bottles of booze…and, donuts, or, Donettes, as Hostess appropriately calls them. These miniature tire-esque circles of sugary delight have always tempted me, and what better time to be lured by temptation than the season of love? To help get our love juices flowing, Hostess have injected their already aphrodisiac-laden chocolate Donettes with another aphro-treat – strawberry, for a fiery start to your Valentine’s Day morning.

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Biting in there is a predominantly sweet but slightly tart strawberry flavor that breaks through the chocolate and stands out pretty powerfully on its own. The two flavors compliment each other well, with the bite beginning on chocolate and gradually transforming to berry, leaving a distinctly artificial strawberry presence on the tongue.  While the taste is artificial and candy-like in nature it isn’t too overwhelmingly sweet, which would have made it difficult to eat more than one or two (not a problem).  Fake strawberry tends to be more agreeable and easily executed than cherry, and these little dough balls are no exception.

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The strongest element of this Donette is its texture. The outside, while still having that classic Hostess waxy element to it, is incredibly soft and thin, giving an airy snap when chewing.  That outer coating is a very distinct texture that for whatever reason works better on mini donuts than any other kind of snack cake.  The inside is very moist, and may be the freshest tasting Donette I’ve ever had from Hostess.  This could be the seasonal advantage of buying a limited item close to its release, as the expiration is still six weeks away and I’m reaping the benefits, or it could just be the luck of the draw with this particular batch.

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Is this a better junky nosh than the classic chocolate frosted Donette with the yellow inside? Nope, not for me; but it is a solid limited release that is much more worthy of burning your calories than even some of the standard editions, like Glazed. It’s got that breakfast cereal-y, Sunday morning strawberry pop that you will find either nostalgic or gross, but for $2 on sale at Target it’s hard to go wrong if you find the plump little fake chocolate ‘nuts as comforting and strangely delicious as I do.

Rating: 7/10

REVIEW: Limited Edition Girl Scouts Thin Mints Cereal

It’s true.  In a time when chicken has become a taco shell and Twinkies have been turned into ice cream, it’s only fitting that Girl Scout cookies are now breakfast cereal.  As if we couldn’t get enough overpriced factory cookies into our diets in the first quarter of the year, we now have an excuse to start our day with this indulgence as well.  General Mills have teamed up with the little hustle-Scouts to unleash Limited Editon Thin Mints sweetened whole grain corn cereal.

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Opening the box the smell immediately screams Thin Mint, with a chocolate and mint aroma that favors the mint slightly more than the chocolate.  The taste of the dry cereal builds on that smell but pushes the chocolate a little more to the foreground, with a minty, distinctly spearmint tingle rounding out the bite.  General Mills seem to have achieved the right balance between the two flavors, with the mint definitely present but not lingering with any toothpaste-y consequences.  The finish is classic corn cereal, with that sweet vegetal crunch that tastes oddly like a hybrid between a Girl Scout cookie and a Cheeto; which isn’t as weird as it sounds considering how awesome I think Sweetos are.

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When combined with milk, the chocolate smell intensifies and gives my nose signals that I’ve just opened a fresh sleeve of Thin Mint cookies.  Unfortunately, that intensified smell doesn’t translate to the flavor, as the notes that were prominent on the dry tasting all dull significantly and become much less unique.  The cereal holds its crunch well, but the perfectly balanced mint takes a backseat to not only the flavor of the corn and chocolate but the milk as well.  After crunching along through the bowl with mixed feelings I was pleasantly surprised to have a mellow but noticeable minty-ness in my mouth when I was done eating.

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A breakfast cereal, even a sweet one like this, will never truly be able to emulate a cookie (think: Cookie Crisp), but this is a pretty decent attempt at putting an American snack time classic into our milky bowls for the morning.  I have never seen mint used like this before and I’ve got to give General Mills credit for taking that risk and doing a good job of getting the balance down to give honor to the cookie as well as making a tasty new product.  I don’t think I would rush out to buy this again but would definitely recommend it to anyone who loves Thin Mints; plus, it’ll go great on top of some ice cream (which I have done, and can confirm its greatness).

Rating: 7/10

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REVIEW: Baskin Robbins Chocolate Hazelnut

For as long as I can remember Baskin Robbins’ flavor of the month in February has been Love Potion #31, but this year, much like they did in October with Trick Oreo Treat, they have made their love potion a seasonal flavor and brought back Chocolate Hazelnut as the February special.  It’s no secret that chocolate is a sensual aphrodisiac, but is there some romantic allure to the hazelnut as well?  I’ve noticed it popping up more frequently this time of year, and with February 5 being named “World Nutella Day” (apparently since 2007), there may be a consumer conspiracy at hand.  Baskin Robbins’ ode to the apparent love nut is chocolate ice cream and hazelnuts covered with chocolate flavored coating swirled with a hazelnut cookie fudge ribbon.

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The chocolate ice cream is just as expected – smooth, decadent, and creamy with a wonderful milk finish that isn’t too dark or bitter.  It’s that classic high quality chocolate flavor that isn’t remarkable or complex but serves as a great foundation to building a solid scoop. The hazelnuts are ample and give big bursts of genuine nutty flavor.  They aren’t tiny pieces either – they’re entire chocolate covered nuts that bring not only a solid richness and big textural crunch, but extra sweetness as well because of the coating.  Hazelnut is not one of my favorite nuts but their unique, almost bitter flavor really shines in the sea of sweet chocolate.

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While the ice cream and hazelnuts are both very good, the real star of the show here is the hazelnut cookie fudge ribbon; a thick fudgey ganache with crunched up cookie grit and fantastic pops of saltiness.  The darkness of the ribbon flourishes against the lighter chocolate base and the salt cuts through the dominant sweet flavors bringing the whole experience together.  I’ve always felt that BR does ribbons really well and this one truly makes all of the flavors sing and elevates it beyond what would have been a fairly basic scoop.

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If you love Nutella you’re going to love this flavor; there are no if ands or buts that this scoop delivers huge chocolate hazelnut satisfaction.  If you’re like me, and think Nutella is good but a touch overrated and you really fist pump for team peanut butter, you will likely also find this February offering surprisingly delicious.  I went into this expecting to be slightly underwhelmed but the variance in texture and layers of chocolate made it much more interesting than I thought it would be, and is a worthy side piece to Love Potion #31.

Rating: 8.5/10

REVIEW: Girl Scouts S’mores Sandwich Cookies

New year, new cookie. It is officially Girl Scouts season, where we will be charmed and delighted at the sight of tables outside of grocery stores throughout February and then dodging them making excuses in March. Fortunately, at the 2017 price of $6 per box, the Girl Scouts are making the excuses for us, but with with the introduction of the brand new S’mores sandwich cookie I allowed myself to get Scout-swindled once more to entertain my own intrigue.  The sandwich combines a graham cracker cookie with both chocolate and marshmallow creme, much like Oreo did two years ago in May of 2015; but we’ll let the delay in innovation slide since these are being hustled by 8 year old girls in funny outfits.

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The smell is all honey and chocolate, combining for a lovely sweet s’mores perfume. The graham flavor in the cookie is light but present with a golden and slightly salty finish that crumbles nicely and surprisingly dominates over both of the cremes inside. The chocolate is more pronounced than the marshmallow, which seems to do more to tame the cocoa flavor than actually provide any vanilla-y marshmallow flair. To be fair, marshmallow is more of a textural play than it is a highly identifiable flavor, and the sweet ‘mallowy-ness is there in tandem with the chocolate.

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The chocolate itself is on the milk side, with no deep bitter or cocoa flavor – much like the classic Hershey’s bar commonly used to make s’mores around the camp fire (or in your microwave if you’re me, stoned at 1 am). The creme is incredibly smooth, not too sweet, and very pleasant.

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The cookies have a variety of fun Scouty designs printed on the back

As with most sandwich cookies I find the flavors to be more interesting and enjoyable when they’re broken in half, and these s’mores are no exception. When you eat the cookie side on its own the graham comes much more to life, and the creme side reveals a really well balanced milk chocolate flavor. Eaten as a whole the cookie is still good, and conveys the flavors of the classic combo, but the specific notes are much harder to pinpoint.

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Quality-wise I think this cookie ranks up there with the Girl Scouts’ best in Do-si-dos, Tagalongs, Samoas, and Thin Mints. They don’t dethrone any of those from being a potential new champion, but they bring a solid effort and new crunch to the seasonal Scout lineup, especially since the S’mores Oreo are currently RIP.

Rating: 8/10

Note: the s’mores cookie roll out has another version depending on your location and designated bakery, which is a graham cracker with layer of marshmallow covered in chocolate.

REVIEW: Little Debbie “Be My Valentine” Red Velvet Cakes

Shockingly, in all my youthful formative years of eating cellophane-wrapped cakes in Nebraska, and making crazy late night stoned liquor store runs as a teenager in California, I have never had a Little Debbie Red Velvet cake. While there’s no debate that a real homemade, or purchased gourmet cake is far and away better, there’s always been something alluring and delicious to me about all types of snack cakes, and Debbie has a pretty decent record in my book.  Little Debbie Red Velvet cakes can be found year round in square shape, but these are hearts, so they’re festive and full of extra love.

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The outer white coating is initially very similar to the one you’ll find on the Zebra or white cake varieties – thin and slightly greasy with a nondescript sweet flavor. At first I didn’t get a tangy cream cheese or whipped butter cream flavor, but on my second cake I started to notice a more unique Red Velvety tang than the usual outer layer.  Maybe it’s my mind playing tricks on me but I am definitely being immersed into a different, more unique flavor experience than your typical white or chocolate bite.

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The creme on the inside is the same classic Debbie filling with no added qualities you would associate with red velvet; it embraces pure sweetness with a smooth texture – no vanilla or other distinct flavors. I can’t say that I’m disappointed because it’s kind of what I expected, and secretly the low caliber cake bad boy in me loves this weird trashy oil cream stuff.

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The cake on the inside is something new, and not just in its glorious red color. The cake is true to the red velvet flavor, with a light cocoa finish that is far from vanilla but also a much less deep flavor than what you will find in Debbie’s Chocolate Cupcakes or Swiss Rolls. The chocolatey cake is airy and light and relatively complex, and when paired with the coating really does taste like a slice of red velvet cake, albeit a pretty cheap one.

Although the flavor is not exclusively for Valentine’s Day, these little heart cakes are a fun switch up to Debbie’s deliciously trashy lineup. While they may not have the same romantic impact as a dozen roses, they’re certainly good enough to keep you from crashing on the couch, and may buy you enough time to run to the store and get something worthy for your one true love, like a giant Reese’s heart.

Rating: 8/10

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REVIEW: Doughbar Doughnuts (feat. Junk Banter Variety Pack)

Doughbar Doughnuts are a Bay Area based company cranking out made to order protein packed baked donuts with a slew of fun and limited offering toppings and variety packs shipped straight to your door.  Their goal is to offer a macro-friendly alternative to the often frowned upon fried treat that is versatile, healthy, and delicious all at the same time.  The un-dressed donuts, including the hole, clock in at 150 calories, 4 grams of fat, 16 grams of carbs, 3 grams of sugar, and 11 grams of protein.  You can order the donuts with no toppings, or, more commonly, with toppings packaged individually that you put on yourself in whatever fashion you’d like.  For my first run with Doughbar I ordered the Junk Banter variety pack, which included four donuts and toppings for Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup, Cookie Monster (Chips Ahoy/Oreo), Cinnamon with Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and Nutella with Kit Kat pieces.

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The naked base flavor of a Doughbar Doughnut is relatively plain with a yeasty whole wheat bounce, slight sweetness, and a hint of cinnamon.  The texture is more like a bagel than a donut, with an eggy dense inside that is neither super delicious or offensive.  Since they are baked and not fried there is no outside crisp or greasiness, and as with most donuts, “real” or otherwise, most of the flavor comes from the toppings.  The success of the doughnuts themselves varied based not only on the toppings but the actual bake itself.  Since they’re all individually made I found some of them to be a little bit thinner and darker with a tougher, less-dount-y texture, and some of them to be fluffier and lighter in color, which much more closely resembled a true donut.

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The experience of putting the doughnuts together is pretty damn fun.  They arrive in a nostalgia-laden pink box with each component clearly labeled and packaged so you can truly choose your own destiny.  All of the toppings have their own nutritional information provided, and while the icing containers looked really small to me at first, they actually do provide enough to piece together a pretty tasty breakfast treat.

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I enjoyed all of the doughnuts that I got but by far my favorite was the Nutella with Kit Kat crumbles.  I’m not sure if it was the slight nuttiness in the glaze or the luck of the fluff on that particular ‘nut but it gave me the most satisfying donut fix of them all.  My least favorite was very surprisingly the Reese’s-inspired peanut butter one, because I felt it just didn’t have enough authentic peanut butter flavor.  Luckily, I had a couple of extra naked donuts and put together my own decadent masterpiece using their classic doughnut glaze, crunchy peanut butter, and banana.

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PB Banana Doughnut: 320 Cals/10g Fat/11g Sugar/30g Carbs/15g Protein

All in all, are Doughbar Doughnuts better than one from your local shop or Krispy Kreme?  Nah.  But are they a fun switch up from a protein bar or shake or carb-heavy weekend breakfast?  Most certainly.  The ability to customize and switch things up on the go is definitely a plus and I look forward to ordering again when time and money will allow.  Hopefully this small creative company can get wider distribution and/or a brick and mortar location so we can all “eat more hole foods” on the regular.

Rating: 8/10

CINNAMON CEREAL BATTLE: Frosted Flakes versus Pebbles

Praise the junk food Gods, cinnamon is now officially a trend.  Apparently after the success of late 2015’s fantastic Cinnamon Bun Oreo’s, every player in the snack game is trying to sprinkle their goods with the sweet sweet bark of cinny.  This plays into my personal preferences brilliantly and I would be content if this trend never dies.  I’m not someone that eats a ton of sugary breakfast cereal but the end of last year saw two companies put spicy spins on their cereals that I couldn’t deny.  Kellogg’s dropped Cinnamon Frosted Flakes and a couple of weeks later Post came through with Cinnamon Pebbles.  I got boxes of each as soon as I could find them and waited for the ultimate moment to do a side by side battle.  No, I don’t imagine either of these could dethrone Cinnamon Toast Crunch as the cinna-GOAT, but how do they compare at least to each other?
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Opening the Cinnamon Frosted Flakes the smell is immediately very sweet and swingin’ with a strong cinnamon aura.  Everything about this smell is autumn – spicy, vanilla, and almost creamy like a cinnamon bun icing.  Eating the cereal dry has that signature Frosted Flakes crunch with a sweet corn finish, but not nearly as much cinnamon as I had hoped and had anticipated when drowning in its beautiful smell.  The aftertaste has a slight cinnamon sting to it but my immediate reaction is that its spice-level is lacking and overpowered by the sweetness level of the cereal itself.

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When combined with milk it’s unfortunately more of the same experience.  There is a light cinnamon flavor that gets amped up in its creaminess by the milk, playing off of that icing essence from the cereal’s smell, but still fails to deliver on overall taste.  The bowl eats and crunches just like a bowl of classic Frosted Flakes, with a slightly more complex spice undertone.  The cinnamon here plays more of a co-star role to Tony’s original recipe rather than take the product in a new direction.  That being said, Frosted Flakes is still one of the best sweet breakfast cereals around, and this is not any less good than the original, just not steering into any uncharted territory.

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Opening up the box of Cinnamon Pebbles there is far less of a cinnamon smell, almost no notably discernible smell at all – just a hint of spice mixed with cereal box cardboard.  Eating this one dry, however, was a pleasant surprise.  Still not over the top with cinnamon, but the texture is light and crunchy with a slightly spicy buttery finish that is much less sweet than its fruity and cocoa flavored siblings.

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When combined with milk these puffy little pebbles SING.  A much stronger cinnamon smell comes from the bowl with the added moisture, and the airy light crunch aided by the creaminess is an absolute delight.  While still not smacking me in the face with cinnamon intensity, the pebbles are significantly less sweet and give breathing room for the spice elements to do their job.  A natural, earthy sweetness drives the flavor forward with a lush round buttery flavor that lingers on the tongue like cinnamon sugared toast.  Everything that I liked about this flavor dry is heightened in milk and is extra delicious because I’ve never had a cereal like this before.

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So, which cereal is better?  This ended up being much easier than I thought, with Cinnamon Pebbles being the runaway winner.  There is nothing bad about Cinnamon Frosted Flakes, there’s just also nothing particularly special or new about it, either.  Both cereal’s have the same sugar content, at 10 grams per serving, but somehow that wild tiger sprinkled some crazy sweet dust over his spice and the desired cinnamon effect gets lost.  As a much bigger fan of cinnamon and peanut butter flavored things, the Cinnamon Pebbles bring a significantly more interesting option to the breakfast cereal game that is new and hopefully a permanent addition to their lineup.

Cinnamon Frosted Flakes: 7.5/10
Cinnamon Pebbles: 9/10

UPDATE: After a side by side taste test, it must be noted that Cinnamon Toast Crunch is still the king of the cinnamon cereal game.  It’s sweeter, butterier, and more true to the spicy/sweet balance that this type of product should deliver.  When tasted in tandem, the Cinnamon Pebbles revealed a deeper, richer cinnamon flavor that makes the cereal just as good if not better than I thought it was before, and the Cinnamon Frosted Flakes stayed mostly the same with the base frosted component still dominating the overall experience.

REVIEW: Taco Bell Naked Chicken Chalupa

Rarely does an item get as much buzz as the latest release from Taco Bell.  Granted, I probably spend more time than most people reading about limited Oreo flavors and weird protein concoctions, but the Naked Chicken Chalupa has seemed to permeate through all of the different food and news sources I tend to look at on a daily basis.  Aside from the usual spots like Grub Grade or Brand Eating, the Naked Chicken Chalupa has seen hype from The San Francisco Chronicle, Washington Post, and tons of other relevant non-junk food blogs.  For those of you who haven’t heard of it, the Naked Chicken Chalupa is a deep fried piece of chicken shaped like a taco shell filled with lettuce, tomato, shredded cheese, and an avocado ranch sauce.  I don’t eat tons of fast food but I love Taco Bell and all of their zany ideas, so I have been pumped on this since it was first announced and hope it lives up to the hype.  Let’s dig in.

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My initial thought is that it is smaller than I expected it to be.  The smell immediately reminds me of a standard cafeteria chicken sandwich with a little extra spice.  The cheese has melted, which is always a good sign, and considering the decently lengthy wait time in the drive through this bad boy was made fresh.  The shell is fried chicken crispy and holds its shape perfectly.  The bite has a nice crunch and spice to it with really solid seasoning that is not too salty.  Unfortunately the chicken is of the cheaper McChicken/separated variety, but is white all the way through without any weird looking or tasting pieces; I imagine it would be hard to shape an actual chicken breast into a taco.

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The avocado ranch sauce is creamy and a touch spicy, but has pooled at the bottom and mixed with the slightly wilted lettuce a bit, leaving an undesirable texture in certain bites.  It’s less greasy than the regular Chalupa shell, which I’m happy about as that’s a potentially big issue with a fried meat vessel in place of a standard tortilla

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The Naked Chicken Chalupa is good but it feels a bit…naked.  The execution on the shell is spot on but an additional meat on the inside would really bring it home.  I would love a nacho cheese double chicken Chalupa or supreme beef version.  Deep frying the shell when it is ordered presented both negatives and positives – it helped melt the cheese but also got the lettuce to wilt and be flimsier than on most Taco Bell products. The possibilities on this new item are endless but the initial attempt falls short of being a slam dunk.

Rating: 8/10