The bitch is back, and she’s bringin’ the thicc-ness. No, I’m not talking about Elton John, I’m talking about snack cakes, of course, and not that perma-smirkin’ Little Debbie either. I’m talkin’ about the oft-forgotten about clunky, chunky, highly criticized girl named Suzy Q.

Growing up I felt like the only weirdo that actually liked Suzy Q’s. Like most Hostess products they were essentially the same ingredients put into a different shape, but Suzy took all of the glamour out of it – no rolls, no hidden filling, no chocolate coating. Naked and exposed sponge cake with a layer of frosting. That’s it. And I loved ‘em. Then again, I also loved Sno Balls, Raspberry Zingers, and pretty much any and all quick fix cake injections, so I guess I’m just a fiend. While not nearly as pretty as a Cupcake garnished with a perfect white twirl, I always admired Suzy’s heftiness and stripped down nature, and for 2018 she’s back; “even better tasting”, and bigger than ever.

While most Hostess products, and junk food in general, seem to be trending towards smaller more reasonable portion sizes (smart), the new Suzy Q’s take a page out of Carl’s Jr’s “fuck it” book and go for the ultimate indulgent plus-size. The box proudly sports the fact that these new Suzy’s contain both 50% more crème AND 50% more cake, which can only mean they’re…50% bigger. Grabbing onto one of the cellophane logs definitely confirms their boosted stature – these lassies are large and in charge (of my inability to resist them).

The crème is positively oozing out of the sides and they definitely live up to what the box hypes. Suzy Q’s crème always felt a bit grittier and thicker than the type that fills Twinkies and Ding Dongs, and while it definitely feels denser than average, I think they smoothed it out, and that’s a good thing. It’s incredibly sweet with a vanilla-leaning flavor that tastes a lot like generic grocery store frosting. The more ample amount of it means you can really dive into the frosting experience like a corner slice, and it’s pretty great.

One of the issues with Q’s back in the day was the cake itself always felt a bit dry. I’m not sure if that’s from the lack of coating, or just the nature of the cocoa-heavy recipe, but that issue seems to be remedied here. The big pieces of sponge are moist and sugary with a nice chocolate flavor that offsets the more straight ahead sweetness in the crème. This is the closest you’re going to get to eating an actual piece of cake from a plastic wrapper, and it’s quite satisfying.

Whatever Hostess did when they took Suzy back to the lab and transformed her into a monster really worked, as this face lift is a great addition to Hostess’ lineup of guilty pleasure treats. Part whoopie pie, part sponge cake, part trashy indulgence, and a pure joy to smash in a creamy frenzy.

Rating: 8.5/10

Found at: FoodsCo ($2.99)