REVIEW: Fit Joy Birthday Cake Batter

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Just in time for the cake-eating festival that will be my birthday on Sunday, one of the most prolific new protein bar companies are back at it with Fit Joy’s Birthday Cake Batter.  This doesn’t appear to be a seasonal release and should be readily available wherever their bars are sold all throughout 2017.  The pink wrapper and solid macros scream nothing but pure fun and I’m hoping for a much better effort than the last cake flavored protein attempt I had by BPI, which sucked.

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This is the first bar that I’ve had with the specific flavor of cake batter as opposed to cake or cupcake, and with that specificity in mind I think Fit Joy have really succeeded. The aroma coming out of the wrapper smells almost exactly like a jar of funfetti vanilla frosting, and fortunately the flavor isn’t too far behind. Much less sweet than a spoonful of artificial frosting, the bar has a wonderful vanilla presence and eggy bounce that remind me of yellow cake (the best). The coating and protein base look similar with multicolored specs that play off each other well, combining for one batter-filled bite. It’s a much truer birthday cake than the bars by Combat Crunch and Fit Crunch, both of which have a strange lemon dominance to their flavor.

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The texture is a soft chewy that gradually transforms into the smooth consistency of cake batter as you break it down in your mouth. There are no crunchy sprinkles or crisps inside or on top of the bar so the experience is one dimensional but not in a bad way. The outer yogurt layer mimics frosting, giving two different sensations that lead to an ultimately really enjoyable experience.  It is also a completely new flavor profile for Fit Joy and executed more convincingly than 75% of the companies that try to tackle it.

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As someone who grew up loving boxed yellow cake for my birthday and licking both the beaters and bowl clean when my mom was done whipping it up, this bar really speaks to my inner bday boy.  This is one of the strongest flavors Fit Joy have released, ranking among Chocolate Peanut Butter and Gingerbread Cookie as a top pick in their lineup.

Rating: 8/10

Quick Nutrition: 230 cal – 8g fat – 190mg sodium – 22g carbs – 10g fiber – 3g sugar – 20g protein.

REVIEW: G Butter Limited Edition Sugar Cookie Spread

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G Butter is one of many small nut and protein spread companies slowly spreading their seed through follows and likes of helpless peanut butter addicts on Instagram (me), and are proving quite successful at doing so. Using a slew of different nuts and whey protein they have flavors ranging from cookie dough to butter pecan to the one that intrigued me the most – sugar cookie. Touting the insane nutritional stat line of 100 calories, 5 grams of fat, 1 gram of sugar, 4 grams of carbs, and 10 grams of protein for two tablespoons I was eager to dig in and see how this was possible.
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Visually this stuff ain’t much of a show stopper. It looks like a jar of snot or the worst most pale gravy you’ve ever seen, BUT, it is trying to look like a sugar cookie, which is pale and weird, and is made out of cashews, which are…pale and weird; so, this all makes perfect sense. There are no sprinkles or chunky mix ins of any kind so the spread has a relatively static and flat look that luckily has more flavor than eye candy.
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The texture is smooth with the occasional sugary crackle and the flavor favors neither cashews or artificial sweeteners too heavily. The mouth feel more closely resembles the gooey-ness of honey than the fatty richness of your usual nut butter and takes a little while to get used to but isn’t ultimately unappealing.
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Sugar cookie is an incredibly delicate flavor and it comes across more convincingly here than most products I’ve had trying to tackle it. G Butter didn’t try to smack you in the face with harsh sweetness, but rather carry the subtleties that make sugar cookies so great – lightly sweet with a well rounded butterniess that coats your tongue.
The side of the jar suggests you put one serving on a plate and microwave it for 10-30 seconds and you will have an actual cookie. To my absolute surprise, it makes a damn good sugar cookie. The cookie comes out cakey and fluffy and smells like fresh baked buttery goodness. Right when coming out of the microwave it’s soft and prone to squishing just like you had pulled a batch from the oven. Using a spoon you can take a bite and get that melty warm cookie texture that tastes and feels completely authentic with no noticeable protein or “healthy cookie” flavor. Let the cookie sit for a couple of minutes and it firms up to a soft texture while maintaining all of that splendid texture and you can hold and eat it like a glorious cookie cake hybrid.

 

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I had some sprinkles on hand so I tossed a few on top. Perfect. Cookie. One tablespoon for 20 seconds. 50 calories, 5 grams of protein.

This cookie rivals or beats any pre-packaged protein cookie I’ve had and is so successful I’m almost surprised they don’t advertise and sell this as a protein dough as opposed to a butter. Really great stuff with insane potential, which if I was rating based just on taste it would rank lower, but factoring in flavor, macros, and creativity this cookie is a keeper.
Rating: 8/10

REVIEW: Tastykake Gingerbread Mini Donuts

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There’s nothing quite like a powdered mini donut.  Packaged in a roll of six from a dark vending machine or lonely gas station, the tube of sugary delight never fails to deliver a messy Scarface-like experience of pure sweetness.  The only problem with these types of donuts is that despite their fun fluffy texture they’re relatively one dimensional when it comes to flavor – straight sugar.  Just in time for the holidays Tastykake have solved this issue with Gingerbread Mini Donuts.

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Unlike their lighter-colored year round sibling, the gingerbread version of Tastykake’s donuts deliver a wallop of spicy layers to back up their already perfect bouncy texture.  Rather than being covered in a dusting of powdered sugar, these donuts are taken up a notch with a robust shaking of ginger and cinnamon that erupts from the bag and translates just as convincingly to the tongue.  You don’t have to search for any traces of gingerbread as you can see the specks of brown all over the donut and the flavors completely smack you in the face to finish with spice-dominance that makes me think they used cloves in the mix as well.  The ginger here isn’t the raw ginger that tingles in your nose, but more of a ground ginger blended with cinnamon that meshes perfectly with the powdered sugar to create the ideal seasonal spice.

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Additionally, the clever snack-ologists at Tastykake have put some kind of spice into the donut dough as well, as you can see little brown dots mixed in with a darker-than-usual cake that hints more towards tan than yellow.

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The two-toned punch of spiced cake and spiced powder makes these incredibly successful and a worthy shakeup from the usual donette.  Whether it be Tastykake or Hostess or Little Debbie I’ve never found any flavors of mini donuts to be truly worth it aside from the classic powdered or chocolate, but these ones give both of those a run for their money.  More complex than any that have come before them but equally satisfying in their junky splendor, these Gingerbread ‘nuts are a slam dunk worthy of your Christmas calories.

Rating: 8/10

PEPPERMINT PRETZEL BATTLE: Snack Factory Dark Chocolate Crisps versus Rold Gold Snowflakes

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Chocolate covered pretzels are a crack food for me.  Up there with peanut butter and popcorn they’re one of those foods I feel like I could eat forever, spiraling into a blissful abyss of sweet and salty crunch that stays texturally and tastefully fun forever.  In honor of the holiday season these cocoa dunked wonders are more abundant than ever, and, much to Santa’s approval, also laced with peppermint.  Among a slurry of festive options I decided to try two very different iterations to see how they compared to each other.  This battle of joy pits Snack Factory’s Dark Chocolate and Peppermint Pretzel Crisps against Rold Gold’s Peppermint Dipped Snowflakes.

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Snack Factory’s version of a peppermint present takes their already delicious pretzel crisp and dunks them in a decently thick coating of dark chocolate, adorned with pieces of crushed up candy canes.  The shape of the pretzel already mimics that of a bow, so the festive vibes are instantly in tow when opening the package.  The aroma from the pretzels is pure dark chocolate, with a bittersweet edge giving no signs of peppermint.  Visually the pretzels don’t look as neat and pretty as the package would imply, with a lot less candy cane pieces than I was expecting.  The dark chocolate is rich and only slightly sweet, playing off of the salty crunch of the pretzel nicely.

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Unfortunately, due to the sporadic nature of the candy cane pieces, not every bite has the peppermint smooch the product promises and overall fails to nail that perfect minty/chocolate balance that I’m looking for.  They definitely don’t overdo the mint, which is always a major cause for concern with this kind of flavor, but on roughly half the bites I was missing out on that peppermint rush.  On the pieces that have more candy canes there’s not only more mint but a bit more sweetness as well and the pretzels achieve the right balance, despite the thinner crisp shape not giving as much salt and crunch as a traditional pretzel.

Rating: 7/10

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Up next, Rold Gold’s snowflakes float from their cheery red bag with the light scent of peppermint promise.  The first thing I notice with these pretzels is they are noticeably sweeter, which is exactly what I would expect with a white chocolate base.  The extra sweetness here helps highlight the peppermint and the salt, and despite the still slightly mellow mint taste these bad boys really swing.

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Although many of the pretzels are individually coated, there are a number of flakes that are stuck together, which makes me think Rold Gold really went to town with the fudge like a snowstorm.  Beneath the white coating are ample red specks that bring an even and balanced peppermint flavor that is present but not too dominant.  There’s something about the combination of white “fudge” and pretzels that is an automatic win for me, and a flavor I simply can’t get sick of.  While the mint definitely takes a backseat to the chocolate, they nailed the tricky task of getting mint in every bite without tasting like toothpaste.  At first I thought I still wanted more mint but it’s such a fine line to walk on I think these snowflakes have truly struck December gold.

Rating: 8/10

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REVIEW: Three Twins Chocolate Orange Confetti

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Amidst a wash of peppermint, eggnog, and gingerbread (all of which are amazing), sometimes our taste buds need a mid-December break from the monotonous merriment of traditional holiday flavors.  Dig deep into your seasonal memory reservoir and you may be reminded of a wonderful chocolate treat that pops up in the aisles this time of year – Terry’s Chocolate Orange Ball.  You know, the one that comes shaped like an orange, you slam on the table and magically little segments divide themselves for citrusy splendor?  Although not advertised as such, Three Twins’ Chocolate Orange Confetti nails this flavor beautifully and turns out a splendidly unique ice cream at the same time.

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I usually associate citrus fruits with the summer – bright tangy acidic high notes that make anything they touch shine – but there’s something about orange, specifically when mixed with chocolate, that has a wintery comfort to it.  Chocolate Orange Confetti is very simple, it combines a chocolate orange base ice cream with flecks of dark chocolate, and that’s all it needs.  The texture is flawless – smooth and creamy with that immediate melty mouth feel that makes ice cream the most beloved dessert in the country.  The use of orange oil comes across naturally and conveys more deep orange flavor than the actual fruit or juice could do on its own.  Additionally, the use of flecks (like Three Twins love to do) as opposed to chips or chunks means that the essence of dark chocolate subtly hugs every bite and helps make the overall experience incredibly smooth and luxurious.

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As much of a chunky mix-in fiend as I am I don’t think there’s anything I would do to change this flavor – it’s unique and delicious without any pretentious complexities.  Ice cream’s like this are testament to the idea that if you start with high quality ingredients and think a little bit outside of the box you can deliver a stellar product worthy of repeat purchasing.  More companies, ice cream or otherwise, should consider the the mash up of chocolate and orange because it is delicious and at least for me, nostalgic.

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This isn’t a new flavor for Three Twins, nor is it seasonal or sold as a holiday offering, but it is worthy of a place on anyone’s Christmas dessert table.  I’m sure Terry’s chocolate oranges can be bought year round but the consumer god’s have sold them to us as stocking stuffers so the taste registers December and should not be forgotten in this peppermint wonderland.

Rating: 9/10

REVIEW: Smart Made Chicken with Spinach Fettuccine

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I wish I could cook every night, or go out for some delicious yet nutritious meal at a wonderful restaurant, but I can’t.  Cooking, which I do frequently, takes time and consideration and creativity – things that I don’t always have at my disposal.  As a result, two or three times a week I look for a quick fix; and a healthy, protein heavy frozen meal that I can pair up with fresh salad is one of my meals of choice.  The best brands I’ve found are Healthy Choice Steam Bowls, Lean Cuisine Comfort, and Smart Ones, who have just released a new line of even better looking frozen dinners called Smart Made – touting less weird additives, less salt, and subtle ingredient switches that make for wiser choices.  A pretty impressive row of interesting flavors lead me to try something classic – Chicken With Spinach Fettuccine.

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Let’s not sugar coat this – a frozen meal is a frozen meal and it can only be so good.  In fact, it’s not something I would ever think to review but this line is so new that I couldn’t find any opinions on them so I thought I would give it a shot.  The aspect that most appealed to me about this entree was its nutritional stats – 220 calories, 6 grams of fat, 19 grams of carbs, and 22 grams of protein – pretty damn solid.  Additionally, the Smart Made sous-chefs swapped a regular Alfredo cream-based sauce for one made with ricotta and white bean puree, which sounded interesting and delicious.  So, how goes it taste?

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As with most calorie-cautious microwave meals the serving is pretty small, but what’s inside actually tastes pretty good.  They used a thicker spinach fettuccine that was less gummy and weird than a lot of frozen noodles.  Not quite aldente, the noodles held a firmness that meshed with the roasted tomatoes and spinach well, holding onto the thick creamy sauce that you would never guess didn’t have tons of cream in it.

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The chicken, while still a little too salty, didn’t have that odd overly wet texture that more processed meat can often have.  It had a nice light charred taste to it and was easily the best chicken I’ve had from a black plastic container.  The whole experience mirrors that of a fettuccine alfredo but slightly lighter and less cheesy.  The “meal” does come out as sort of a strange zapped ball, but once you separate the pieces and back it up with some fresh veggies it’s not a bad choice for something fast and easy.

Rating: 8/10

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REVIEW: Jack Nicklaus Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream

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Every once in awhile I find myself face to face with a great deal on a foreign ice cream that is too tempting to pass up. I don’t mean when Talenti or another higher priced brand goes on sale, but when some weird unknown creamery shows up looking official and carrying a decent price tag. This particular mystery creamery is fronted by none other than golfing great Jack Nicklaus, and apparently he’s found himself a hobby in retirement. Among a couple more adventurous flavors was Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, a classic I was willing to give a shot.

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Opening the cold green carton started off pretty good, with the use of a brown sugar ice cream base instead of your typical vanilla or some kind of unflavored white mystery flavor. The brown sugar not only helps to accentuate the cookie dough vibes but leaves the cream with an extra rich buttery texture that is perfectly addicting. The off white/brown color of the ice cream also immediately reminds the eye of dough, but unfortunately that’s where the doughiness ends for this pint.

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The mix-ins Jack put into his attempt at a classic flavor are so bare that they’re almost pointless and don’t add much to the taste or texture. To be fair the description does say “chocolate chip cookie dough pieces” but the pieces here are more like crumbs and are so small you can’t even tell if they’re good. What should be chocolate chips are more the size of cocoa nibs, or roughly half of your average chip.

Even with their small size there are at least enough chips to get a feel for their presence, which can not be said for the actual dough itself. Going through the pint I got less than ten pieces of cookie dough, and each piece was probably the size of a dime. When you get a bite it does have that buttery sugar squish that you want but it fades so quickly you wonder if it even happened.

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All scooped up – still barely any dough

Had this simply been a brown sugar or French vanilla flavor it would have been a success, but unfortunately it misses the mark on delivering what it advertised. One of the things that appealed to me about trying this ice cream was its significantly lower calorie count than many of its competitors. Clocking in at 160 per half cup, compared to Ben and Jerry’s at 280, Mr. Nicklaus is really proving that you get, and taste, what you pay for.

Rating: 6/10

REVIEW: flapJACKed S’Mores Mighty Muffin

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S’mores is one of the most popular flavors in snack foods the last couple of years, dominating everything from Oreo’s to breakfast cereal to ice cream to protein bars, so it’s no surprise that flapJACKed decided to try this flavor for their Mighty Muffin.  Although I’ve never had a regular s’mores muffin I like the idea and it should be relatively easy to pull off if you can get all three elements to come across – graham crackers, marshmallows, and chocolate.  Fortunately for flapJACKed they got all three into a magical microwavable protein bomb you make yourself in 35 seconds.

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In my mind the perfect s’mores muffin would be a golden honey graham base loaded with marshmallows, chocolate, and additional chunks of graham cracker.  This Mighty Muffin has all of those components except for the cracker pieces and I can accept that as a pretty solid attempt.  The first thing you will notice is the very strong graham cracker aroma that comes from the freshly zapped muffin.  Much like a good cup of tea the smell is a lot stronger than the actual taste but the honey undercurrent is there and ties the whole s’mores experience together.  The importance of the graham oftentimes gets overlooked when companies try to make a s’mores flavor and I commend flapJACKed for not ignoring this pivotal piece of the campfire puzzle.

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Freshly zapped and muffin-esque

Putting my fork in I find marshmallows and chocolate immediately.  Although small, they are ample, and I’m never left searching for them as I continue to eat.  The chocolate chips get a little bit melty, but oddly enough the marshmallows stay completely firm, so the texture lacks that ooey gooey goodness that make s’mores so fun.  This is a bit disappointing considering the muffin comes out hot, but the sweetness of the marshmallows helps elevate the graham cracker taste in the muffin base and genuinely adds to the s’mores experience despite their lack of meltiness.  Think of these ‘mallows as more like the ones you get on top of Swiss Miss packaged hot chocolate that disappear almost immediately rather than a fresh pack of Jet Puffed.

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Much like the Double Chocolate version I reviewed earlier, this muffin benefits greatly from a little additional moisture and sweetness, either from fruit or nut butter.  The obvious pairing here is D’s Naturals S’mores Fluffbutter, which was awesome, but I found Nuts ’N More’s Birthday Cake spread to really take the s’mores experience to the next level.  This little addition helped fill in the melty gaps I was missing from the marshmallows and created a wonderful protein-loaded eating experience.  This product is not perfect but good enough to keep me trying the rest of their flavors in search of the ultimate Mighty Muffin.

Rating: 7/10

Quick Nutrition: 210 calories – 6g fat – 350mg Sodium – 24g Carbs – 5g Fiber – 10g Sugar – 20g Protein

REVIEW: Pepperidge Farm Mint Brussels

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Although Milano’s get all the love as the Pepperidge Farm poster child, I am of the opinion that the the lesser loved Brussels are the true GOAT of their cookie lineup.  Sure, the Milano is classic and definitely delicious with its fluffy yet crumbly exterior, but nothing can top the crunchy caramelized sugar cookies nuzzling a snappy layer of dark chocolate that is the Brussel.  Fortunately for Brussel-lovers like myself, this year they got a holiday makeover with the limited edition Mint Brussels.

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In good taste Pepperidge Farm have decided not to mess too much with a winning combo and have simply added a layer of mint on top of the already present dark chocolate.  The mint has a nearly identical firm but smooth texture as the dark layer, and comes across like a mint flavored white chocolate, which helps to maintain the already successful and delightful crunch of the original cookie.  Biting in you get that wonderful sugar crunch a la the top of a creme brûlée that is sweet but not cloying at all.  Pairing perfectly with a cup of coffee or black tea, these cookies live up the the reputation Pepperidge Farm have for delivering the most sophisticated and “adult” tasting treats you can find in the grocery store.

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Chocolate and mint are a classic combo that works extremely well but is surprisingly easy to mess up.  Oftentimes the mint can be too strong and overpower and other flavors battling for your tastebuds, but these Brussels have managed to hit the balance almost perfectly, with just a touch to be desired.  If I can fault these cookies in any way I would want just a hint more mint from them.  It feels like splitting hairs because one of my biggest pet peeves is a mint cookie or dessert that leaves my mouth with a toothpaste tingle, but the Pepperidge Farm folks could have put a touch more mint into the mix and they would have really sung flawlessly.

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Apparently Mint Brussels used to exist with some form of regularity and were discontinued around 2009, but for me these are brand new and I hope they won’t be disappearing as a limited release anytime soon.  Fingers crossed these cookies sell well and 2017 will bring us new limited flavors like the Milano’s get, who have everything from Lemon to Dulce De Leche available year round.

Rating: 8.5/10

REVIEW: Baskin Robbin’s Peppermint Bark in the Dark

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Although still technically autumn, the flavor gods have officially decided it’s time to be immersed in a wintery mintery wonderland as crisp and cool as the air outside.  For the last week or so it feels like the air may as well be peppermint flavored as that has been the dominant taste every time I’ve opened my mouth.  Baskin Robbins have decided to fittingly join the party with their December flavor of the month Peppermint Bark in the Dark.

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Originally released in December of 2013, the flavor is as straight forward as it sounds – peppermint bark in chocolate ice cream.  The pairing of chocolate and mint is one of the most classic holiday flavors around, so classic that unlike eggnog or pecan pie it can be found year round in everything from York Peppermint Patties to BR’s own Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream.  It’s this common-place profile that makes this flavor a little bit of a letdown as the headliner of a year that brought both a new spin on a Halloween flavor (Trick Oreo Treat Dark) and cookies and cream mashed up with Frosted Flakes (Oreo Milk ’N Cereal).

The ice cream is good – a rich chocolate base that carries the essence of peppermint in every bite, with the occasional bursts of very strong peppermint and crunch from the bark – it’s just not anything particularly new or exciting.  The pieces of bark hold their own and deliver cool bursts that fill your mouth with Christmas cheer, floating along in a chocolate river with glassy-smooth texture.  The scoop that I got did not have nearly as many, or as big, chunks of peppermint bark in it as the promotional picture which is a bit of a rare letdown for Baskin Robbins.  The picture on their site and ingredients also imply some kind of ribbon which I didn’t have any of.  Again, the ice cream is solid and of high quality, just not as good as the previous two years’ December Flavors of the Month – York Peppermint Pattie and Oreo Cool Mint Chocolate – both of which had more elements to keep them exciting.

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Searching for them chunks and swirl – not so much

What would make this a more successful flavor?  One more component – a ribbon or swirl or additional mix-in (maybe it was supposed to be there, Baskin HR were of no help trying to figure this out), and maybe something less predictable.  Toss a marshmallow swirl in to highlight the white chocolate and call it “Santa’s Rocky Sleigh” or some spiced cookies and caramel and call it “Peppermint Stocking Stuffer” – something along those lines.  A perfectly suitable flavor for the holiday’s, just a tad bit boring and not anything you should rush to the scoop shop to try ahead of any other chocolate mint mash ups from other brands in grocery or otherwise.

Rating: 7/10