junk food

REVIEW: Limited Edition Girl Scouts Thin Mints Cereal

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It’s true.  In a time when chicken has become a taco shell and Twinkies have been turned into ice cream, it’s only fitting that Girl Scout cookies are now breakfast cereal.  As if we couldn’t get enough overpriced factory cookies into our diets in the first quarter of the year, we now have an excuse to start our day with this indulgence as well.  General Mills have teamed up with the little hustle-Scouts to unleash Limited Editon Thin Mints sweetened whole grain corn cereal.

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Opening the box the smell immediately screams Thin Mint, with a chocolate and mint aroma that favors the mint slightly more than the chocolate.  The taste of the dry cereal builds on that smell but pushes the chocolate a little more to the foreground, with a minty, distinctly spearmint tingle rounding out the bite.  General Mills seem to have achieved the right balance between the two flavors, with the mint definitely present but not lingering with any toothpaste-y consequences.  The finish is classic corn cereal, with that sweet vegetal crunch that tastes oddly like a hybrid between a Girl Scout cookie and a Cheeto; which isn’t as weird as it sounds considering how awesome I think Sweetos are.

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When combined with milk, the chocolate smell intensifies and gives my nose signals that I’ve just opened a fresh sleeve of Thin Mint cookies.  Unfortunately, that intensified smell doesn’t translate to the flavor, as the notes that were prominent on the dry tasting all dull significantly and become much less unique.  The cereal holds its crunch well, but the perfectly balanced mint takes a backseat to not only the flavor of the corn and chocolate but the milk as well.  After crunching along through the bowl with mixed feelings I was pleasantly surprised to have a mellow but noticeable minty-ness in my mouth when I was done eating.

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A breakfast cereal, even a sweet one like this, will never truly be able to emulate a cookie (think: Cookie Crisp), but this is a pretty decent attempt at putting an American snack time classic into our milky bowls for the morning.  I have never seen mint used like this before and I’ve got to give General Mills credit for taking that risk and doing a good job of getting the balance down to give honor to the cookie as well as making a tasty new product.  I don’t think I would rush out to buy this again but would definitely recommend it to anyone who loves Thin Mints; plus, it’ll go great on top of some ice cream (which I have done, and can confirm its greatness).

Rating: 7/10

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REVIEW: Baskin Robbins Chocolate Hazelnut

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For as long as I can remember Baskin Robbins’ flavor of the month in February has been Love Potion #31, but this year, much like they did in October with Trick Oreo Treat, they have made their love potion a seasonal flavor and brought back Chocolate Hazelnut as the February special.  It’s no secret that chocolate is a sensual aphrodisiac, but is there some romantic allure to the hazelnut as well?  I’ve noticed it popping up more frequently this time of year, and with February 5 being named “World Nutella Day” (apparently since 2007), there may be a consumer conspiracy at hand.  Baskin Robbins’ ode to the apparent love nut is chocolate ice cream and hazelnuts covered with chocolate flavored coating swirled with a hazelnut cookie fudge ribbon.

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The chocolate ice cream is just as expected – smooth, decadent, and creamy with a wonderful milk finish that isn’t too dark or bitter.  It’s that classic high quality chocolate flavor that isn’t remarkable or complex but serves as a great foundation to building a solid scoop. The hazelnuts are ample and give big bursts of genuine nutty flavor.  They aren’t tiny pieces either – they’re entire chocolate covered nuts that bring not only a solid richness and big textural crunch, but extra sweetness as well because of the coating.  Hazelnut is not one of my favorite nuts but their unique, almost bitter flavor really shines in the sea of sweet chocolate.

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While the ice cream and hazelnuts are both very good, the real star of the show here is the hazelnut cookie fudge ribbon; a thick fudgey ganache with crunched up cookie grit and fantastic pops of saltiness.  The darkness of the ribbon flourishes against the lighter chocolate base and the salt cuts through the dominant sweet flavors bringing the whole experience together.  I’ve always felt that BR does ribbons really well and this one truly makes all of the flavors sing and elevates it beyond what would have been a fairly basic scoop.

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If you love Nutella you’re going to love this flavor; there are no if ands or buts that this scoop delivers huge chocolate hazelnut satisfaction.  If you’re like me, and think Nutella is good but a touch overrated and you really fist pump for team peanut butter, you will likely also find this February offering surprisingly delicious.  I went into this expecting to be slightly underwhelmed but the variance in texture and layers of chocolate made it much more interesting than I thought it would be, and is a worthy side piece to Love Potion #31.

Rating: 8.5/10

REVIEW: Girl Scouts S’mores Sandwich Cookies

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New year, new cookie. It is officially Girl Scouts season, where we will be charmed and delighted at the sight of tables outside of grocery stores throughout February and then dodging them making excuses in March. Fortunately, at the 2017 price of $6 per box, the Girl Scouts are making the excuses for us, but with with the introduction of the brand new S’mores sandwich cookie I allowed myself to get Scout-swindled once more to entertain my own intrigue.  The sandwich combines a graham cracker cookie with both chocolate and marshmallow creme, much like Oreo did two years ago in May of 2015; but we’ll let the delay in innovation slide since these are being hustled by 8 year old girls in funny outfits.

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The smell is all honey and chocolate, combining for a lovely sweet s’mores perfume. The graham flavor in the cookie is light but present with a golden and slightly salty finish that crumbles nicely and surprisingly dominates over both of the cremes inside. The chocolate is more pronounced than the marshmallow, which seems to do more to tame the cocoa flavor than actually provide any vanilla-y marshmallow flair. To be fair, marshmallow is more of a textural play than it is a highly identifiable flavor, and the sweet ‘mallowy-ness is there in tandem with the chocolate.

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The chocolate itself is on the milk side, with no deep bitter or cocoa flavor – much like the classic Hershey’s bar commonly used to make s’mores around the camp fire (or in your microwave if you’re me, stoned at 1 am). The creme is incredibly smooth, not too sweet, and very pleasant.

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The cookies have a variety of fun Scouty designs printed on the back

As with most sandwich cookies I find the flavors to be more interesting and enjoyable when they’re broken in half, and these s’mores are no exception. When you eat the cookie side on its own the graham comes much more to life, and the creme side reveals a really well balanced milk chocolate flavor. Eaten as a whole the cookie is still good, and conveys the flavors of the classic combo, but the specific notes are much harder to pinpoint.

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Quality-wise I think this cookie ranks up there with the Girl Scouts’ best in Do-si-dos, Tagalongs, Samoas, and Thin Mints. They don’t dethrone any of those from being a potential new champion, but they bring a solid effort and new crunch to the seasonal Scout lineup, especially since the S’mores Oreo are currently RIP.

Rating: 8/10

Note: the s’mores cookie roll out has another version depending on your location and designated bakery, which is a graham cracker with layer of marshmallow covered in chocolate.

REVIEW: Little Debbie “Be My Valentine” Red Velvet Cakes

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Shockingly, in all my youthful formative years of eating cellophane-wrapped cakes in Nebraska, and making crazy late night stoned liquor store runs as a teenager in California, I have never had a Little Debbie Red Velvet cake. While there’s no debate that a real homemade, or purchased gourmet cake is far and away better, there’s always been something alluring and delicious to me about all types of snack cakes, and Debbie has a pretty decent record in my book.  Little Debbie Red Velvet cakes can be found year round in square shape, but these are hearts, so they’re festive and full of extra love.

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The outer white coating is initially very similar to the one you’ll find on the Zebra or white cake varieties – thin and slightly greasy with a nondescript sweet flavor. At first I didn’t get a tangy cream cheese or whipped butter cream flavor, but on my second cake I started to notice a more unique Red Velvety tang than the usual outer layer.  Maybe it’s my mind playing tricks on me but I am definitely being immersed into a different, more unique flavor experience than your typical white or chocolate bite.

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The creme on the inside is the same classic Debbie filling with no added qualities you would associate with red velvet; it embraces pure sweetness with a smooth texture – no vanilla or other distinct flavors. I can’t say that I’m disappointed because it’s kind of what I expected, and secretly the low caliber cake bad boy in me loves this weird trashy oil cream stuff.

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The cake on the inside is something new, and not just in its glorious red color. The cake is true to the red velvet flavor, with a light cocoa finish that is far from vanilla but also a much less deep flavor than what you will find in Debbie’s Chocolate Cupcakes or Swiss Rolls. The chocolatey cake is airy and light and relatively complex, and when paired with the coating really does taste like a slice of red velvet cake, albeit a pretty cheap one.

Although the flavor is not exclusively for Valentine’s Day, these little heart cakes are a fun switch up to Debbie’s deliciously trashy lineup. While they may not have the same romantic impact as a dozen roses, they’re certainly good enough to keep you from crashing on the couch, and may buy you enough time to run to the store and get something worthy for your one true love, like a giant Reese’s heart.

Rating: 8/10

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CINNAMON CEREAL BATTLE: Frosted Flakes versus Pebbles

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Praise the junk food Gods, cinnamon is now officially a trend.  Apparently after the success of late 2015’s fantastic Cinnamon Bun Oreo’s, every player in the snack game is trying to sprinkle their goods with the sweet sweet bark of cinny.  This plays into my personal preferences brilliantly and I would be content if this trend never dies.  I’m not someone that eats a ton of sugary breakfast cereal but the end of last year saw two companies put spicy spins on their cereals that I couldn’t deny.  Kellogg’s dropped Cinnamon Frosted Flakes and a couple of weeks later Post came through with Cinnamon Pebbles.  I got boxes of each as soon as I could find them and waited for the ultimate moment to do a side by side battle.  No, I don’t imagine either of these could dethrone Cinnamon Toast Crunch as the cinna-GOAT, but how do they compare at least to each other?
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Opening the Cinnamon Frosted Flakes the smell is immediately very sweet and swingin’ with a strong cinnamon aura.  Everything about this smell is autumn – spicy, vanilla, and almost creamy like a cinnamon bun icing.  Eating the cereal dry has that signature Frosted Flakes crunch with a sweet corn finish, but not nearly as much cinnamon as I had hoped and had anticipated when drowning in its beautiful smell.  The aftertaste has a slight cinnamon sting to it but my immediate reaction is that its spice-level is lacking and overpowered by the sweetness level of the cereal itself.

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When combined with milk it’s unfortunately more of the same experience.  There is a light cinnamon flavor that gets amped up in its creaminess by the milk, playing off of that icing essence from the cereal’s smell, but still fails to deliver on overall taste.  The bowl eats and crunches just like a bowl of classic Frosted Flakes, with a slightly more complex spice undertone.  The cinnamon here plays more of a co-star role to Tony’s original recipe rather than take the product in a new direction.  That being said, Frosted Flakes is still one of the best sweet breakfast cereals around, and this is not any less good than the original, just not steering into any uncharted territory.

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Opening up the box of Cinnamon Pebbles there is far less of a cinnamon smell, almost no notably discernible smell at all – just a hint of spice mixed with cereal box cardboard.  Eating this one dry, however, was a pleasant surprise.  Still not over the top with cinnamon, but the texture is light and crunchy with a slightly spicy buttery finish that is much less sweet than its fruity and cocoa flavored siblings.

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When combined with milk these puffy little pebbles SING.  A much stronger cinnamon smell comes from the bowl with the added moisture, and the airy light crunch aided by the creaminess is an absolute delight.  While still not smacking me in the face with cinnamon intensity, the pebbles are significantly less sweet and give breathing room for the spice elements to do their job.  A natural, earthy sweetness drives the flavor forward with a lush round buttery flavor that lingers on the tongue like cinnamon sugared toast.  Everything that I liked about this flavor dry is heightened in milk and is extra delicious because I’ve never had a cereal like this before.

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So, which cereal is better?  This ended up being much easier than I thought, with Cinnamon Pebbles being the runaway winner.  There is nothing bad about Cinnamon Frosted Flakes, there’s just also nothing particularly special or new about it, either.  Both cereal’s have the same sugar content, at 10 grams per serving, but somehow that wild tiger sprinkled some crazy sweet dust over his spice and the desired cinnamon effect gets lost.  As a much bigger fan of cinnamon and peanut butter flavored things, the Cinnamon Pebbles bring a significantly more interesting option to the breakfast cereal game that is new and hopefully a permanent addition to their lineup.

Cinnamon Frosted Flakes: 7.5/10
Cinnamon Pebbles: 9/10

UPDATE: After a side by side taste test, it must be noted that Cinnamon Toast Crunch is still the king of the cinnamon cereal game.  It’s sweeter, butterier, and more true to the spicy/sweet balance that this type of product should deliver.  When tasted in tandem, the Cinnamon Pebbles revealed a deeper, richer cinnamon flavor that makes the cereal just as good if not better than I thought it was before, and the Cinnamon Frosted Flakes stayed mostly the same with the base frosted component still dominating the overall experience.

REVIEW: Taco Bell Naked Chicken Chalupa

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Rarely does an item get as much buzz as the latest release from Taco Bell.  Granted, I probably spend more time than most people reading about limited Oreo flavors and weird protein concoctions, but the Naked Chicken Chalupa has seemed to permeate through all of the different food and news sources I tend to look at on a daily basis.  Aside from the usual spots like Grub Grade or Brand Eating, the Naked Chicken Chalupa has seen hype from The San Francisco Chronicle, Washington Post, and tons of other relevant non-junk food blogs.  For those of you who haven’t heard of it, the Naked Chicken Chalupa is a deep fried piece of chicken shaped like a taco shell filled with lettuce, tomato, shredded cheese, and an avocado ranch sauce.  I don’t eat tons of fast food but I love Taco Bell and all of their zany ideas, so I have been pumped on this since it was first announced and hope it lives up to the hype.  Let’s dig in.

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My initial thought is that it is smaller than I expected it to be.  The smell immediately reminds me of a standard cafeteria chicken sandwich with a little extra spice.  The cheese has melted, which is always a good sign, and considering the decently lengthy wait time in the drive through this bad boy was made fresh.  The shell is fried chicken crispy and holds its shape perfectly.  The bite has a nice crunch and spice to it with really solid seasoning that is not too salty.  Unfortunately the chicken is of the cheaper McChicken/separated variety, but is white all the way through without any weird looking or tasting pieces; I imagine it would be hard to shape an actual chicken breast into a taco.

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The avocado ranch sauce is creamy and a touch spicy, but has pooled at the bottom and mixed with the slightly wilted lettuce a bit, leaving an undesirable texture in certain bites.  It’s less greasy than the regular Chalupa shell, which I’m happy about as that’s a potentially big issue with a fried meat vessel in place of a standard tortilla

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The Naked Chicken Chalupa is good but it feels a bit…naked.  The execution on the shell is spot on but an additional meat on the inside would really bring it home.  I would love a nacho cheese double chicken Chalupa or supreme beef version.  Deep frying the shell when it is ordered presented both negatives and positives – it helped melt the cheese but also got the lettuce to wilt and be flimsier than on most Taco Bell products. The possibilities on this new item are endless but the initial attempt falls short of being a slam dunk.

Rating: 8/10

REVIEW: Milka Oreo Chocolate Candy Bar

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Yep, 2017 really is the year that dreams come true. The GOAT American grocery cookie Oreo and wonderful Swiss chocolate company Milka had a couple of late night drinks together, made sweet love, and gave birth to the Oreo Chocolate Candy Bar. It’s as simple as it sounds and has been executed beautifully. Let’s dig in.

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Immediately I’m greeted with really high quality smooth and sweet milk chocolate bursting with authentic Oreo flavor. The ratio inside of creme to cookie is awesome and unpredictable – sometimes you’ll get a little more creme and sometimes you’ll encounter a big cookie chunk.  The creme has that signature creamy foundation with just a hint of graininess and the cookies are as crispy and crunchy as opening a freshly sealed pack of Oreo from the store.  The taste overall reminds me almost exactly of a milk chocolate covered Oreo with all three of the components really well represented.

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I was also fortunate enough to find the original version of this bar that has been available outside of the States for awhile, so I thought I would compare the flavor of the two.

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The chocolate on the “Milka and Oreo” version seems thinner and is lacking the richness and milky depth of the US one. It tastes less chocolatey and less sweet at the same time, and doesn’t help to elevate the creme beyond what feels like textural filler. The cookies also seem smaller and kind of soft, almost stale, and lacking in that signature Oreo crunch that makes the stateside bar so tasty.  Maybe this bar was sitting around for awhile but it’s not expired and my initial impression is that it tastes cheaper and is surprisingly inferior to the one seeing massive distribution right now.

The Oreo Chocolate Candy Bar truly eats like a perfect hybrid between snack cookie and candy. It deviates just enough from a traditional cookie or bar of chocolate to make a satisfying new product yet tastes like something you’ve had before in the best way. It would be awesome to see Milka and Nabisco collaborate further to release some of the more rare yet popular flavors like Cinnamon Bun, Birthday Cake, or Peanut Butter.  It should also be noted that this bar is available in four varieties – the smaller, single serve one that I tried which has six breakable pieces, as well as a wider, thinner bar, a king size of the version from this review, and the Big Crunch Bar which is massive with a single layer of cookie in the middle.

Rating: 9/10

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REVIEW: Tastykake Gingerbread Mini Donuts

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There’s nothing quite like a powdered mini donut.  Packaged in a roll of six from a dark vending machine or lonely gas station, the tube of sugary delight never fails to deliver a messy Scarface-like experience of pure sweetness.  The only problem with these types of donuts is that despite their fun fluffy texture they’re relatively one dimensional when it comes to flavor – straight sugar.  Just in time for the holidays Tastykake have solved this issue with Gingerbread Mini Donuts.

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Unlike their lighter-colored year round sibling, the gingerbread version of Tastykake’s donuts deliver a wallop of spicy layers to back up their already perfect bouncy texture.  Rather than being covered in a dusting of powdered sugar, these donuts are taken up a notch with a robust shaking of ginger and cinnamon that erupts from the bag and translates just as convincingly to the tongue.  You don’t have to search for any traces of gingerbread as you can see the specks of brown all over the donut and the flavors completely smack you in the face to finish with spice-dominance that makes me think they used cloves in the mix as well.  The ginger here isn’t the raw ginger that tingles in your nose, but more of a ground ginger blended with cinnamon that meshes perfectly with the powdered sugar to create the ideal seasonal spice.

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Additionally, the clever snack-ologists at Tastykake have put some kind of spice into the donut dough as well, as you can see little brown dots mixed in with a darker-than-usual cake that hints more towards tan than yellow.

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The two-toned punch of spiced cake and spiced powder makes these incredibly successful and a worthy shakeup from the usual donette.  Whether it be Tastykake or Hostess or Little Debbie I’ve never found any flavors of mini donuts to be truly worth it aside from the classic powdered or chocolate, but these ones give both of those a run for their money.  More complex than any that have come before them but equally satisfying in their junky splendor, these Gingerbread ‘nuts are a slam dunk worthy of your Christmas calories.

Rating: 8/10

REVIEW: Pepperidge Farm Mint Brussels

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Although Milano’s get all the love as the Pepperidge Farm poster child, I am of the opinion that the the lesser loved Brussels are the true GOAT of their cookie lineup.  Sure, the Milano is classic and definitely delicious with its fluffy yet crumbly exterior, but nothing can top the crunchy caramelized sugar cookies nuzzling a snappy layer of dark chocolate that is the Brussel.  Fortunately for Brussel-lovers like myself, this year they got a holiday makeover with the limited edition Mint Brussels.

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In good taste Pepperidge Farm have decided not to mess too much with a winning combo and have simply added a layer of mint on top of the already present dark chocolate.  The mint has a nearly identical firm but smooth texture as the dark layer, and comes across like a mint flavored white chocolate, which helps to maintain the already successful and delightful crunch of the original cookie.  Biting in you get that wonderful sugar crunch a la the top of a creme brûlée that is sweet but not cloying at all.  Pairing perfectly with a cup of coffee or black tea, these cookies live up the the reputation Pepperidge Farm have for delivering the most sophisticated and “adult” tasting treats you can find in the grocery store.

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Chocolate and mint are a classic combo that works extremely well but is surprisingly easy to mess up.  Oftentimes the mint can be too strong and overpower and other flavors battling for your tastebuds, but these Brussels have managed to hit the balance almost perfectly, with just a touch to be desired.  If I can fault these cookies in any way I would want just a hint more mint from them.  It feels like splitting hairs because one of my biggest pet peeves is a mint cookie or dessert that leaves my mouth with a toothpaste tingle, but the Pepperidge Farm folks could have put a touch more mint into the mix and they would have really sung flawlessly.

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Apparently Mint Brussels used to exist with some form of regularity and were discontinued around 2009, but for me these are brand new and I hope they won’t be disappearing as a limited release anytime soon.  Fingers crossed these cookies sell well and 2017 will bring us new limited flavors like the Milano’s get, who have everything from Lemon to Dulce De Leche available year round.

Rating: 8.5/10