junk food

REVIEW: Buff Bake Protein Sandwich Cookies (Snickerdoodle and Double Chocolate)

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At times silly, at times successful, and always divisive, the protein cookie game is an ever growing, and now evolving, market. While the end goal for most companies has been to produce a product that most closely mirrors a soft baked homestyle chewy craveable cookie, Buff Bake are pushing the field into uncharted and beloved territory – the Oreo. Buff Bake are mostly known for their protein-infused spreads, which I had one time and was underwhelmed by, and their Lenny & Larry’s-esque soft baked cookies, which, again, are just alright. However, their new line of Protein Sandwich Cookies promise the creme-filled satisfaction of the grocery GOAT with an added boost of protein. Each package contains four cookies for 220 calories, 13 grams of fat, 16 grams of carbs, 12 grams of protein, and, gasp, 12 grams of sugar.

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REVIEW: Coolhaus’ Farmer’s Market Strawberry Cheesecake

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Cheesecake and ice cream have a lot in common. Decadent, creamy, high fat, versatile, celebratory, dairy-heavy, and downright delicious; most people can’t deny how stellar the two desserts are. That being said, I can’t say I would really want to eat the two at the same time, as combining them side by side on a plate might send me deep into dairy depths that my stomach may not be able to recover from. I am, however, a big fan of when the two worlds collide into a successful flavor of ice cream, which is unfortunately much easier said than done. With their latest batch of pints Coolhaus takes on the challenge with Farmer’s Market Strawberry Cheesecake, which combines mascarpone and cream cheese ice cream with a fresh strawberry swirl and graham cheesecake bites.

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REVIEW: Museum of Ice Cream San Francisco

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Right behind Golden State Warriors games and the Orpheum’s Aladdin, the hottest ticket in the Bay Area since September has been the Museum of Ice Cream. The first round of tickets sold out in twenty minutes, and despite being in the digital “line” right when they went on sale, I was left out in the cold. Fortunately for me, the creators of the highly popular museum saw the potential and extended their stay until February and I was able to visit on the last weekend of December. Nestled away just off of Union Square in an old banking building, a big pink banner leads the way to the magical creamy wonderland.

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REVIEW: Baskin Robbins Bobsled Brownie

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January is a pretty down month. After the swirling excitement and chaos of the holidays it feels like everyone is universally broke, bloated, and burnt out. The weather is cold without any Christmas carols to make it seem cute, and most of us are just sitting tight waiting for warm weather and a tax return to get the new year actually in motion. That being said, I will take anything I can get to hold onto some of that winter whimsy I’m secretly missing, and to kick off 2018 Baskin Robbins are giving me just that. Bobsled Brownie combines milk chocolate mousse and butter caramel ice creams with a fudge crackle ribbon and pieces of blonde brownies.

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REVIEW: Quest Protein Cookies (Chocolate Chip, Double Chocolate, Peanut Butter, Oatmeal Raisin)

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For as many protein bars, cereal bars, powders, chips, peanut butter cups, and other snacky supplements Quest have released it’s pretty hard to believe it took them this long to get into the trendy protein cookie game. I generally find protein cookies to be pretty whack. Less desirable macro nutrients than a standard bar and inferior taste to an actual cookie, so who’s really winning here? There are a couple flavors of Lenny & Larry’s that are actually pretty tasty (Snickerdoodle and Lemon Poppyseed), and conversely the recent release by No Cow was so bad I couldn’t even bring myself to finish them. So how does the king of the protein world’s take stack up to the competition? With more grams of fat than a scoop of super premium ice cream, Erythritol, and soluble corn fiber I’m not feeling too optimistic, but let’s find out.

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REVIEW: Limited Edition Chocolate Hazelnut Oreo

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I imagine somewhere at the Nabisco headquarters there’s a plush office for the head of the Oreo flavor think tank. He has arguably one of the best jobs ever, and a filing cabinet full of bold and bright ideas to satisfy our junk food taste buds. Buried deep within one of those cabinets is a folder titled “Why the Hell Haven’t These Been Made Yet?”, brimming with combinations so absurdly obvious they don’t leave the room. Last year this file was dusted off to release the solid Dunkin’ Donuts Mocha Oreo, and while they couldn’t quite land the Nutella brand name for the ultimate team up, 2018 finally see’s the release of Chocolate Hazelnut Oreo.

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REVIEW: Oreo Thins Fudge Dipped (Original, Mint, Coconut)

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In 1989 Honey, I Shrunk the Kids became the highest grossing live action Disney film of all time, a title it held for over five years. Although I was just spawning my first memory, being shook by the big Bay Area earthquake, the movie later became a favorite of mine on VHS, and entertained a mini-Sean all throughout the mid-90’s. Later, in 1998, the Disneyland 4D ride/movie Honey, I Shrunk the Audience, became one of the first times I realized a screen could truly scare the shit out of me. Much like in the ‘89 film, small things became giant, only this time they jumped out of the picture and into my face. Fast forward to 2018, and I’m no longer scared, but delighted, as Nabisco proudly announced, Honey, I shrunk the Oreo’s.

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REVIEW: The Lion’s Pack Edible Cookie Dough (Chocolate Chip, Monster Cookie, Snickerdoodle, Teddy Dough, Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop Tart, Oreo Cake Batter, Snickers Candy Bar)

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As big of a consumer as I am of protein bars and powders, I’m a bit wary of the massive smattering of novelty protein items hitting the shelves these days. Cookies, cakes, and candies don’t tend to work as well, both in terms of nutrition and taste, and the macro-to-taste enjoyment ratio is usually off. I first got wind of The Lion’s Pack last year and ordered a couple of their protein peanut butter spreads, which I thought were fine tasting but texturally pretty off. At the time they also offered a number of protein cookie dough’s, but they looked odd and didn’t seem very appealing at all. In the last six or so months the company have been aggressively promoting the reformulating of their dough recipe, and from what I’ve seen it looks solid. The dough’s are all vegan, gluten free, and made-to-order, with over 20 flavors to choose from.

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REVIEW: Angie’s BoomChickaPop Holidrizzle Kettle Corn (Frosted Sugar Cookie and White Chocolate & Peppermint)

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One of the best parts of the holiday season is making all the foods I normally consume much much worse for me. Vegetables become pie, nuts get glazed, fruit turns into cake, and popcorn gets…holidrizzled? Whatever you want to call it – caramel corn, kettle corn, candied corn – pretty much anything covering the normally nutritionally-sound popped kernels is a staple of the season, and goddamn do I love it. A far cry from the crunchy golden corn found in the giant multi-flavored tins around Christmas, Boom Chicka Pop have a stacked lineup of sweet and salty delights to meet any of Santa’s daily requirements, including Frosted Sugar Cookie and White Chocolate Peppermint.

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