junk food

REVIEW: Vice Cream’s Breakfast in Bed

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Vice Cream are a relatively new Boston-based premium ice cream company founded by cancer survivor Dan Schorr on the premise of “Life’s short, eat fuckin’ ice cream”. Their mission statement is in direct opposition to the current trend of low calorie desserts loaded with sugar alcohols and protein, and as a fan of all things rich and creamy I really respect that. Their distribution is getting stronger in 2018, and just in time for the peak of ice cream season their decadent offerings have made their way to the bay. Breakfast in Bed combines maple ice cream with sticky bun dough, pecan praline, maple syrup, and cinnamon cream cheese ripple.

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REVIEW: Ben & Jerry’s Caramel Chocolate Cheesecake Truffles

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In addition to dropping non-stop pun-tastic pints, Ben & Jerry’s love to work with themes. A couple years back it was the novelty-driven Cores, followed by the one-upped Cookie Cores, last year it was the “whoops we ordered way too many fudge flakes” line, and this year it’s all about truffles. All three of B&J’s new releases to kick off the coveted ice cream season revolve around the ganache-centric European staple, including Caramel Chocolate Cheesecake, which pairs a caramel cheesecake ice cream with graham cracker-covered cheesecake truffles and chocolate cookie swirls. Do you have a respirator handy, cause my breathing is HEAVY!

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REVIEW: Talenti “Crafted with Less Sugar” Vanilla Cinnamon and Mint Cookie

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It was bound to happen at some time. After the huge craze of “diet” ice cream’s expanded from Halo Top and Enlightend to Breyer’s, Three Twins, and even Ben & Jerry’s, Talenti have joined the party with their own spin on reduced calorie gelato. Rather than boosting up protein content like Halo or whipping some extra air during churning like Dreyer’s and B&J, Talenti have opted to go the reduced sugar route by way of soluble corn fiber, sugar alcohol, and monk fruit extract. Sounds kind of like Talenti are taking a page from Quest’s book, and that makes me a little nervous. The naturally lower fat gelato gets an even greater fat reduction and significant caloric decrease with this new formula, but how will the texture and flavor fare?

Vanilla Cinnamon:

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REVIEW: Little Debbie Easter Carrot Cake Rolls

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Spring time isn’t a great time for junk food and my tastebuds. After the spicy onslaught of autumn and winter, things slow down with fruit and flowers and things that don’t get me nearly as jostled as some warm spices. Sure, there’s red velvet and s’mores, but those sunny weather flavors can’t hold a candle to pumpkin or gingerbread, except for one oft neglected springy treat – carrot cake. As she usually does, Little Debbie has my back and came through this year delivering a brand new twist on her giant carb-bomb logs with Easter Carrot Cake Rolls.

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REVIEW: Magnum’s White Chocolate Vanilla Tub

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I tend to like variety in my sweets, and especially in ice cream. Different layers, textures, and flavors that work together to create one sumptuous symphony of taste sensation. But at times there’s something appealing about excess. Tons of chocolate, tons of peanut butter, tons of caramel, or less commonly, tons of white? Magnum’s new line of pint tubs has one unexpected, and potentially one-noted offering in White Chocolate Vanilla, which combines vanilla ice cream and white chocolate shards in a cracking white chocolate shell.

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REVIEW: Baskin Robbins Oreo ‘n Caramel

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The marriage of Oreo and Baskin Robbins is a bonafide summertime tradition, and very much in line with our whacky-ass global warming patterns, this year’s team up is coming early. 2017 gave us the okay All About Oreo and surprisingly good Oreo Cheesecake, while past flavors like Oreo Malt Madness (2015) and Oreo Birthday Cake (2016) ran away with BR’s best limited scoops of the year. Whether this means we’ll be getting three or more Oreo collabs in 2018 or if Baskin Robbins has bigger plans for the hottest scooping months of the calendar year is unknown, but to kick off the Oreo-sanity the brand went back to the drawing board for a flavor that seems so obvious it’s hard to believe it’s brand new. Oreo ‘n Caramel features salty caramel ice cream with Oreo cookie pieces and a caramel swirl.

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REVIEW: Post Oreo O’s Cereal

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Nostalgia is a helluva drug. Nostalgia probably drives 90% of my interest in limited edition snacks and junk food in general, dating back to those care free childhood days of packed lunches and water balloon fights. There are cherished snacks that have hit the graveyard, like my beloved Dunkaroos and Sonic Sour Cream Doritos, but every so often a formerly RIP’d product gets brought back to life. Bless the golden god’s of the cereal aisle because one of the all time greats is back – Post Oreo O’s.

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REVIEW: Salt & Straw’s Meyer Lemon Meringue Pie

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March is a wonderful time of the year. Temperatures start heating up, basketball is in full swing, the flowers begin blooming their little buds, and more importantly, Salt & Straw bring back their fan voted favorites. My very first formal Salt & Straw review was the astounding Chocolate Caramel Potato Chip Cupcake which was voted in last year and is back again this year for good reason – it’s incredible. The 2018 voting season also brought back the whimsical Pots of Gold and Rainbows, and a flavor that hasn’t seen the light of day since 2015 – Meyer Lemon Meringue Pie. This citrusy scoop combines a Nilla Wafer ice cream with housemade lemon curd and silky marshmallow fluff.

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REVIEW: Honey Maid S’mores Cereal

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Dunking a graham cracker into a tall cold glass of milk is one of the quintessential nostalgic past times of childhood. Maybe it’s because they aren’t chocolate or filled with crème, but for whatever reason I was allowed to eat graham crackers way more often than normal cookies as a child, and for me they are the ultimate companion to milk. I could do without milk and cookies in every other application, I’ll take some black coffee instead, but milk belongs with graham like Curry belongs on the Warriors, and the two compliment each other in soft subtle ways like no other. The top dawg brand of them all, of course, is Honey Maid, and in its glorious shadow all other crackers taste like mere imitators. It’s time for all other cereal’s to feel like imitators too, because the big boy has come to play with Honey Maid S’mores Cereal.

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REVIEW: Dreyer’s-Edy’s Limited Edition Birthday Cake

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It’s unclear exactly what’s going on with Dreyer’s-Edy’s ice cream right now. There used to be a clear distinction between the Slow Churned and Grand lines, but right now it seems as though all the new products are presented as a regular ice cream but utilize light bases at their core. Whatever the case may be, with grocery ice cream season in full swing the company is rolling out seemingly endless amounts of limited edition flavors, including the plainly named re-release Birthday Cake, which combines yellow cake light ice cream with a frosting swirl and multi-colored sprinkles.

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